| What a waste... |
[Mar. 25th, 2009|09:22 pm] |
| [ | Feeling... |
| |  alone | ] |
| [ | The music in my mind... |
| | Iron Maiden | ] |
Wasting Love - Iron Maiden
Maybe one day I'll be an honest man
Up till now I'm doing the best I can
Long roads, long days, of sunrise, to sunset
Sunrise to sunset
Dream on brothers, while you can
Dream on sisters, I hope you find the one
All of our lives, covered up quickly
by the tides of time
Spend your days full of emptiness
Spend your years full of loneliness
Wasting love, in a desperate caress
Rolling shadows of nights
Dream on brothers, while you can
Dream on sisters, I hope you find the one
All of our lives, covered up quickly
By the tides of time
Sands are flowing and the lines
are in your hand
In your eyes I see the hunger, and the
desperate cry that tears the night
Spend your days full of emptiness
Spend your years full of loneliness
Wasting love, in a desperate caress
Rolling shadows of nights
Sands are flowing and the lines
are in your hand
In your eyes I see the hunger, and the
desperate cry that tears the night
Spend your days full of emptiness
Spend your years full of loneliness
Wasting love, in a desperate caress
Rolling shadows of nights!
Wasted Years - Iron Maiden
From the coast of gold, across the seven seas
I'm traveling on, far and wide
But now it seems, I'm just a stranger to myself
And all the things I sometimes do, it isn't me but someone else
I close my eyes, and think of home
Another city goes by, into the night
Ain't it funny how it is, you never miss it til it's gone away
And my heart is lying there and will be til my dying day
Chorus. So understand
Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years
Face up...make your stand
And realize you're living in the golden years
Too much time on my hands, I got you on my mind
Can't ease this pain, so easily
When you can't find the words to say, it's hard to make it through another day
And it makes me wanna cry, and throw my hands up to the sky
Chorus. So understand
Don't waste your time always searching for those wasted years
Face up...make your stand
And realize you're living in the golden years!
My beloved Iron Maiden knows me so well.
After graduation, every birthday adds more and more pressure for you to make something of yourself, building on all the years of your existence. The pressure to get a decent-paying job, to move out of your parents' house, to be able to stand on your own two feet, to maybe start a family -- to basically become an adult -- grows with every birthday. You begin to look at what you've accomplished thus far, scrutinizing all those years of education and development, and try to make sense of all the muddle you left along the way. All those test you studied for, all those relationships you built, all those activities and endeavors that you gave yourself to -- they all contribute to the pressure, too. You begin to question the relevance of it all. You begin to doubt whether it was all worthwhile. You begin to see how much time it is you wasted. And then the pressure to make up for all that lost time sets in. You feel the need to hurry things up and achieve. The seniors get a taste of it, calling it the "senior syndrome." But trust me, it's the years immediately after that really start to get to you. As of last Saturday, I've got 23 years worth of that pressure on my shoulders.
Dr. Ramos hit in on the head when she told me, "When I look at you, I see the past." I was clinging too much to all my frustrations, my disappointments, my wounds. She told me to just let go, saying that no matter how brilliant I am, I wouldn't be able to move forward if I kept holding on. "All that brilliance," she said, "is meaningless if you keep dwelling on and brooding over your past." It'll all just go to waste if I don't share it with the people around me. She said that if I keep living in the past, all I'll end up with is bitterness. If I keep dwelling on frustrations, disappointments, and wounds, I won't be able to focus my energies on what I do well, leaving me with nothing but hostile envy for those who get ahead of me, but whom I believe aren't deserving. Dr. Ramos assured me that I have so much to offer, so much to give, especially love. But how will those around me ever see that if I leave my heart in yesterday? She got me. All this time, that's why I haven't been able truly achieve and truly build relationships. All this time, I've been so distant because I've been picking at old wounds. All this time, I've been giving a large part of myself to brooding and griping. All this time, I've been only been wasting love.
Maybe, hopefully, one day I'll be an honest man...
I have to let go. That's what Dr. Ramos said. I have to stop dwelling on those wasted years and live my life NOW. People usually look to the past when searching of "golden years," thinking it should be somewhere there. Perhaps that's what leads to a whole lot of disappointment and regret, especially when one believe the chance for golden years has passed. Often, we fail to realize that we are the ones who make those golden years. Often, we fail to realize that golden years are always made in the NOW so that they can be looked back on tomorrow. Often, we fail to realize that we are still alive, and being such there is always a possibility for happiness. No matter how much we've lost, no matter how much we've failed, no matter how much we've been hurt, there is still the history we are making TODAY. "Cut your losses and move forward," says Mr. Pagsi. Don't waste your time searching the past for golden years that can be made today!
23 years. It doesn't seem as heavy if I focus on number 23, this year, now. Dr. Ramos said I should be reborn this birthday. I'll take that one today at a time.
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