| Again Will The Fire Burn! |
[Jun. 28th, 2009|03:19 am] |
| [ | Feeling... |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | The music in my mind... |
| | Lost Horizon - Again Will The Fire Burn | ] |
WATCH ME!
Two weeks into the school year and already I feel as though I've been to Hell and back. Well, Hell's Gate, at least. I can still feel both the physical and mental burn. And it doesn't help that I sleep at ungodly hours. I am just spent.
Too spent to write.
Body falling apart.
Mind in shambles.
Man, I'd do it all again in a heartbeat! :D
WEEK 1:
I taught Chapter 1 of Sternberg's Cognitive Psychology to all three of Ma'am Cara's Cog classes. What a learning experience that was.
With two MWF classes and one TTh class, I was teaching everyday, and every session, I'd go at it full-throttle. I "left it all in the classroom," so to speak, leaving little more for myself. And that's not even counting the amount of preparation I had to do for the class.
I had to study, conceptualize a flow, create a game, find funny yet apt examples, and effortfully seek out ways to make the "History of Cognitive Psychology" interesting. Now you all know I'm not a preparation kind of guy. I like to wing it, to do it on the fly. I'm a crammer. But in this case, I knew I'd be short-changing the students, not to mention betraying Ma'am Cara's trust in me, if I didn't exert as much effort preparing as I did performing. I told myself that if I was going to play the part of a full-fledged Psychology professor, I'd be cheating everyone, myself included, if I didn't internalize allLEARNING FROM THE TEACHER</b> - might have been basura. Sure, they were laughing and reacting and nodding and participating in the discussion, but I wasn't sure they were actually learning what they were supposed to be learning from chapter 1. I wasn't sure that I was actually facilitating the osmosis of ideas. I began to doubt not my desire, but my ability to actually teach.
So, that whole week, as I taught an undergrad course for the first time, conflicting feelings waged war in me. It was mentally exhausting.
As if that wasn't enough, after teaching Ma'am Cara's classes, I had to go back to the Psych Dept and resume my work as the GA on duty, since that is my real job anyway. With classes just starting, most were still in panic mode, sending us GAs into a frenzy as well. Photocopying syllabuses, making Power Point presentations, creating Y!Groups, checking on the LCDs - we became human tornadoes, spinning to the rhythm of panic.
And then, night time came. With the night came our graduate school classes. Holy fuck. Roraschach I on Tuesdays, Abnormal Psychology on Wednesdays, and Introduction to Psychotherapy on Thursdays. I'll have another entry discussing my grad school subjects, so for now, all you have to know is taking these 9 units is extremely HEAVY.
WEEK 2:
The week started out with my last class substituting for Ma'am Cara. I ended Chapter 1.
When Ma'am Cara came back the next day, I got a bit anxious. I didn't know whether or not Ma'am Cara was gonna quiz them on Chapter 1. "What if they didn't learn a thing!?" was on a loop inside my head. I held my breath the whole time Ma'am Cara was at her TTh class.
Okay, maybe I didn't hold it that long, but it sure felt like it!
But I'm sure I held my breath when she finally came back. Imagine my sigh of relief when she said, "Kenny, they really learned!" (insert *large sigh* here) Apparently, she asked them questions and they were able to answer well. No quiz, but she tested them, which, in turn, was actually testing me. I guess I passed! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
The sigh of relief wasn't pure, however, as it was tainted with something else. Something a little less modest. Something like a little pride. *grin* I reveled in the knowledge that I successfully taught one chapter of Cognitive Psychology. The most boring chapter, no less! I reveled in the knowledge that Ma'am Cara's trust was not wrongfully bestowed. I did what she asked and had FUN doing it! I was just so goddamn proud!
Man! If this is what teachers feel when they realize what they'd done, then I definitely want more. I NEED more. I'm not afraid to admit it. I'm officially and unequivocally addicted to this drug... There is no sweeter high.
GA work didn't get any easier this second week. It was still as heavy and still as stressful if not more so. Ask Chinky. She seems to be getting the biggest portion of the stress. I was hoping that as the semester progressed, things would get easier since the routine would be set. Lesson learned. NEVER HOPE! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Same goes with our own classes. It was only just the second week and already we're feeling the weight of the classes. Gods of Heavy Metal, steel my heart and keep it beating.
On a more positive note, last Wednesday, Teacher Pia (Ramos) sent me a message on Facebook asking if I could substitute for her Gen Psych classes because she was sick (hopefully, not with swine flu). As with Ma'am Cara, I immediately jumped at the chance. Three sections for two days on the most boring chapter (Chapter 1 - Research Methods: Correlations and Experiments). It didn't matter. I just HAD to get my next fix! So, I replied over Facebook. After asking Mr. Sagmit if I could sub for her, she said they didn't allow it. I was a bit disappointed, but didn't mind. I understood that Gen Psych is very basic and I might be to inexperienced to be able to fully and effectively get the lesson across. I'll even somewhat agree that I'm not worth that risk.
So, thinking that the whole thing won't happen, I just moved on. Just when I thought I was in the clear, Sir AJ approached me the next day and told me, "Sige Kenny, ikaw na humawak dun sa 1030 class." I knew right away what he was talking about and didn't even try to hide my excitement. "Talaga sir!? Thank you sir! I'll get right on it." Words I'd end up regretting since that was Thursday and the class was the next day. I had my InTACT classes on that same day to prepare for. It was the first session and I had to establish enough rapport with the classes given the module, which, to me, wasn't very good. Still, I had to find a way to make it happen because rapport with your students is what will allow for easier and more fruitful interaction with the coming sessions. The modules weren't gonna do that for me, especially since they kinda suck. So, I HAD to prepare for InTACT, which I did. But at the same time, I also had to prepare for Gen Psych, which I also did. Imagine how stressful Thursday night/Friday morning was for me. To top it all off, because of color coding, I had to leave the house at 530am. Yes. STRESS!
Friday finally came. Stressed and in panic, I started the day with my 730 InTACT class. IS majors. Went well. Started out with an excerpt from The Little Prince. The one about "taming" and "establishing ties." Observed a positive general reaction. They laughed at my jokes. Yes, I introduced myself as the Alpha Male. Yes, they're calling me that. Hehehe. Was annoyed at the unannounced visit from Sanggu to distribute the baunan of the freshmen for the ORSEM. Was more annoyed at the "No baunan, no food" rule. Idiotic. On the whole the first session was good. Good rapport established. It could have been better, or at least I wanted it to be, but they really weren't into it that much. I somewhat expected this, but hoped it wouldn't be so. -sigh- Gotta try harder!
Right after, I went to the Psych Dept to try and cram my preparations for Teacher Pia's Gen Psych class. I had difficult preparing the night before because I wasn't able to get Ma'am Pia's copy of the Gen Psych book. I had to use Santrock. So I got the book and started skimming through it. It was a LONG chapter. I started to panic, but tried to maintain focus. I studied as much as I could with the 2 hours I had.
Soon, I made my way to CTC303 for the 1030 class. Luckily, the class was comprised of AB and BS Psych majors, which meant that I can assume they, or at least a good majority of them, have read the chapter. My job, therefore, would be to provide examples and make it interesting so that the content would be easy to remember. Despite being a tad sabog, I think (or rather I'm HOPING) the class went well. I was looking at the reactions of the students. I saw a lot of laughing (at my jokes, so don't worry) and a lot of nodding in either agreement and/or understanding (when I made points). Both positive, so I'm thinking I did okay. I mean, it LOOKED like they were getting it. And the participation wasn't so bad either. Sans the sabog-ness due to lack of preparation, I think it would've been much much better.
Lesson learned. Must prepare thoroughly for the Monday class.
On a side note, very observable was the "segregation" of AB and BS Psych students. The AB people sat on the left mostly, while the BS sat on the right. AB people looked more relaxed. BS people were stressing over Chem. Classic. HAHAHAHAHA!
An hour after the end of that class, I was off to my second InTACT class for the day. Bel 307, BS Psychology majors. I had explicitly asked for a Psych block because, based on my experience last year (Hi Y2-2012! :D), I knew they were gonna be loads of fun.
I was right.
I started the class by sitting in one of the armchairs. I was posing as a student. I must've done an excellent job since no one was noticing me. Not even my own Student Facilitator! I just sat there and even started to fill out the profile sheet. Soon, the second bell started to ring. Gab Ignacio (SF) started settling down the class, telling them to fill out the form while waiting for the HA (me). As soon as everyone settled down, I made my "grand entrance." "Here I am!" I exclaimed as I stood up from the sea of students. They were really surprised! They really had no idea who I was. They gave me a round of applause as I took my place on the platform. I even got a high-five from one of them. The perky one. Great reaction to begin the session! HAHAHAHAHA!
Coming off that reaction, I knew things were gonna go great. My intuition was further supported when I found out what block they were. Block Y2. Just like last year. Well, they prefer to be called "Blocky 2" (read "blah-key two"), but still! :D Y2 is Y2!
Before introducing myself, I started with the "Prayer/Reflection." When I asked, "Who has read The Little Prince, many raised their hands excitedly at the thought of a few words from the book. "I cried when I read it!" I heard one say. "I do every year when I read it," I replied. A chorus of "Awwwwwww" washed over me. HAHAHAHAHA! Lovin' it!
Then I introduced myself, telling them they could call me any permutation of "Alpha Male." "Sir Alpha Male" and "Kenny Alpha Male/Alpha Male Kenny" were both acceptable, but I said I'd also accept "Godfather" or "Grand Mastah Sexay." Hearty laughter all around. I was soaking it up as I flexed into an pose worthy of the title Alpha Male. They loved it.
The activity went excellently well. And it wasn't because of me! It was them. It was all them. They were so game, so creative, so willing to laugh at themselves and each other. They gave themselves to the activity and that energy gave the activity new life. Sure, I'd insert little jokes here and there based on what they'd be saying, but for the most part, I was just letting them do their thing. It was wonderful. I was happy. Not for myself, you must understand, but for them because I knew InTACT was gonna be awesome for them. I knew that THEY were gonna make it so just like Y2-2012 did last year.
I was more than satisfied with how the first session turned out. If establishing rapport and interaction was the goal, I think I'm pretty much set for the year. After class, I met up with Pam, JC, and Al right outside the classroom. Pam wouldn't believe they were calling me "Alpha Male," so I went back into the room (they hadn't left yet) and shouted, "WHAT'S MY NAME!?" Like a Spartan war-cry, their reply resounded down the halls of Bellarmine: "ALPHA MALE!!!" What can I say, my students love me. It didn't even end there. As Al, JC and I were leaving Bel, we passed by them taking a block photo. They called me over and insisted I join. Imagine that. I'm already in a block photo! On the first day no less! Chainsawesome...
Seriously, iba talaga pag Psych.
At this point, I should already be burned out. Mentally and physically, I'm exhausted. But everything that happened these past two weeks only served to make the fire in me burn with greater intensity and purpose. My desire has only grown much deeper and my passion more directed. I'm ready to face the new school year "banners all bravely unfurled." I'm ready to "march into hell for [this] heavenly cause!" |
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