| I spit in God's face! |
[May. 16th, 2008|05:34 am] |
| [ | Feeling... |
| |  rock bottom | ] |
| [ | The music in my mind... |
| | silence | ] |
First entry in a very long time. Not much to write about. Nothing special happening. Nothing worth writing about. Nothing at all. It's when one is engulfed by nothingness that one dives into his or her own mind.
Guys like me deserve a break. I'm a good person, I know it. I've never purposely and/or purposefully fucked anybody over for the hell of it. I've made mistakes, but who hasn't? I deserve just a little bit of a chance. Apparently, someone up there doesn't think so. So fuck it.
If things keep going the way they are, I'm gonna kill myself. Don't worry, though. The way things are going, I'm probably gonna fuck that one up, too. I don't usually get any long term success.
Mr. Pagsi was right. I should put more success in my life. I shouldn't persist too much with impossible dreams. What I got from that was that I should learn to settle for the easy, un-worthwhile things. Why I didn't take that advice, I still don't know. My life would've been more bearable, I guess. (Though, that's probably not what he meant when he said that. What he really meant to say, I don't know.)
If the devil came to me tonight and told me to kill everyone in the world for just one break, one little chance, I probably would. Such is the depth of my desperation. Such is the breadth of my anger.
I'd rather be in hell than here. |
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quixotic_eyes's journal
