| Three Weeks |
[Jun. 26th, 2008|12:15 am] |
| [ | Feeling... |
| |  determined | ] |
| [ | The music in my mind... |
| | Shinedown - I Dare You | ] |
Only the brave.
Only the brave should teach.
Only those who love the young should teach.
Teaching is a vocation.
It is as sacred as the priesthood; as innate as desire, as inescapable as the genius which compels a great artist.
If he has not the concern for humanity, the love of living creatures, the vision of the priest and artist,
Then he should not teach.
-Pearl Buck
I've been busy. Very very busy. Being both an InTACT Homeroom Adviser and an MA student eats up most of my afternoons and taking care of Grimace, since no one else can, eats up my mornings. The little time I do have to myself, I'm too tired to write or do anything productive. I usually just sleep. So, the past three weeks of my life will be compressed into this one brief entry. :P I don't even have time to write this entry. I'm just making time, really.
June 3-5: InTACT Homeroom Adviser Training
It was an experience. In a good way, don't worry. The first two days, the Facilitator's Workshop, were handled by CORD. Much learned, especially since being an InTACT Homeroom Adviser was a bit different from, and more difficult than, being a teacher. We wouldn't be imparting knowledge and information. That'd be easier, really. Our job would be more of facilitating the exchange of ideas, drawing them from the freshmen themselves. Believe me, that's tough.
The stark difference of it, both in form and difficulty, was made clear during the second day, when we were divided into groups and were each given a module to run. Kind of like a demo session. While the other groups were running their modules, the other HAs (Homeroom Advisers) purposely and purposefully acted as freshmen would act. The goal was to test the facilitating group. We were game for any activity they ran. But of course, we tried to emulate the rowdiness of the freshmen, too. Again, to test them. After, the other HAs would comment on the group's session.
My group, with co-Homeroom Advisers Nico and Celso, chose to do the "Distribution of Advisory Marks" module. I facilitated most of the module - the activity, reflection, and synthesis parts - but Nico tackled the distribution of the grades itself, along with the calculation of QPI and other such concerns. Celso was assigned to take notes. The module went generally well, but the middle became a bit difficult since the other HAs became awfully rowdy (especially Al, Mark, and JC). I wasn't really losing my cool, but the module was being delayed and we were on a bit of a schedule. Looking back, I think I should've been more assertive. We tried our best to keep the session going even amid the chaos. Soon, the time ran out. There was just too little time. But with 5 minutes to go, I tried to synthesize the session so as to save it. I ended with a little reflection inspired by the movie 21. It was this:
~3 Rules of Blackjack: First, play, don't gamble. Follow a system. Work with the system. It's called "card counting" and is frowned upon, but it's not really cheating. Second, don't let your emotions dictate your decisions. Don't let being sad because of a loss or being excited because of a big win throw you off the system you're working with. Always think. And third, the will to win is only half as important as the will to prepare to win. Don't go into the Blackjack table without knowing what you're up against and how to take it down. The same three rules apply to one's academic life. First, don't gamble with your grades. Study, work, use a system - even if cramming is your system. Second, don't let your emotions tug you around. The advisory marks might be low, but don't let that hinder your work. At the same time, if your advisory marks are high, don't be too overconfident. Keep working. Finally, prepare. If you want to be successful, you have to prepare, to work, to be ready for anything.~
(Watch 21. It'll shed more light on the reflection.)
That's how I ended the session. I told the "freshmen" to think on these three rules and how they could help in becoming more successful academically. :D
Then, the comments came, starting with "Actually, this is the most difficult session." "GREAT!" I thought to myself sarcastically. There was much to improve on, especially with time management. But I did feel a sense of personal accomplishment when Mark said, "I like how Kenny started and ended the session." :D Of course, I was also criticized. I was told to be careful of using an image/example such as Blackjack. Some freshies might not be so comfortable with the idea of gambling. On the whole, though, I thought it went well save for some bumps and bruises along the way. But these bumps and bruises are necessary for our growth as Homeroom Advisers and, for me, as a teacher.
Of course, Facilitator's Workshop was also an experience of various unique personalities. To name a few, you have Al, Mark, and Apags - the outspoken group. These guys were just loud and funny and always attracting attention and laughs. There were also the older guys, Rhett and Celso, who really displayed the mindset and personality both of their generation, as they were both over 50, and of Loyola Schools faculty members (Rhett was from SOM and Celso was from SOSE). Pia and Tel were obviously parents and their parental personalities became obvious time and time again. There were many more of us, but the aforementioned HAs give us a clear example of how varied the crowd really was. It's an exciting prospect to have these people as my co-workers!
The third day of the workshop was held by the Guidance Office. Nothing overly exciting here.
With that, I officially became an InTACT Homeroom Adviser. I have the manual and the title. All I needed was the real experience. :D
It's funny. I actually felt like a freshman all over again. I was all jittery about my first class as if it were my first day of college. I didn't know who I'd be classmates with, who I'd be able to study with, who I'd hang out with from class. It was literally starting over. It was a funny feeling, trembling again at the prospect of school. But it wasn't really fear. It was a little bit nervousness, maybe. But most of it was excitement. It was something new all over again, even though the environment/setting was the same. I was excited because it was a whole new challenge all over again, and it wasn't going to be boring!
June 11, 2008: First MA Class, First Cut
*sigh*
Yes, on my very first day of Graduate School, I cut my very first class. It's a funny story, really, that all boils down to my, and Mondy's, "dumb-ass-ery." My class, according to my advisement and AISI, was at 3pm. I went to school at around 130 to check where the class would be held. I had asked Mondy the night before, since he was my classmate in the class, but he didn't know either. When I got to the Psych Dep, I checked the schedule posted on the bulletin board. It said that the class I was having that day, Counseling Principles under Dr. Ramos, would be in SS 118 at 6pm. 6pm!?! Confused, I waited for Mondy so I could ask him. When he saw the schedule, he was just as surprised as me. He said that according to AISIS, the class was at 3, but the venue was different. We didn't know who to trust, AISIS or the Psych Department. We chose to trust the Psych Dep. BAD IDEA! While waiting at the Psych Dep, at around 5pm, Dr. Ramos came and asked us if we were in her class. And then, she said the words we were dreading to hear. "We had class." FUCK! All of us were surprised, even she. She was confused as to why we weren't there. *sigh*
Yes, we were dumb-asses! I, personally, would like to blame the Psych Dep for posting a bad schedule, but it was our fault, too, for not just asking Ma'am Susan. Fuckin' shit... We were lucky all Dr. Ramos discussed was the syllabus and the pairings for the projects. Geez... They say bad things happen in threes. Well, this was the first. The pouring rain was the second. And my neck getting hurt from sleeping on it wrong was the third. It was a bad day, let alone a bad first day of Graduate School.
June 13, 2008: Advanced Personality
This day, I wanted to be sure that I would NOT cut. Not only would it be doubly idiotic of me if I did, but also, Ma'am Cara was the prof. I didn't want to miss any second of the class. I would be classmates with Paola and JC in this class, so it was bound to be fun.
I was in the Psych Dep at 130. While waiting, Mondy and Paola came. Soon, Ma'am Cara arrived. She quickly took notice of us sitting on the sofa. She asked me, "Why are you sitting like that?" (I was tense, so I looked kinda stiff.) And then, she hesitated, saying, "Wait, are you in my class?!" When I told her yes, she semi-freaked out. "WHAT!? Nooooooo!" Erm, well I wasn't sure if she seriously didn't want me in her class, but she reacted the same way when Mondy said he was with us. Then, she turned to Paola and said, "And you, too!?" With that, it was like she just gave up. Ahahaha. I can't imagine why. We... Well, I'm not so much troble, am I?
A couple of funny moments while waiting for class. Both involving Dr. Cuenca! Hahahaha. The first one was when he just arrived at the Psych Dep. He was surprised to see me and as I said hello, I said, "My favorite teacher!" Just as I said that, Ma'am Cara was passing by. Her face lit up and acknowledged what I said, nodding her head and pointing to Dr. Cuenca, all the while, a mischievous gleam was in her eyes, as if it were some big joke. Hahahahahaha. Well, she's the one who always jokingly calls Dr. Cuenca my favorite teacher! I'd expect such a reaction from her! Hahahahaha. The second one was when Dr. Cuenca came back accompanied by Pia (Homeroom Adviser Pia). She was surprised that we knew each other, but not as surprised as Dr. Cuenca was that Pia and I were friends. I played along, acting all offended at his surprise. Then, jokingly, Dr. Cuenca asked, "Who's your favorite teacher!?" I replied in a confident, yet with sarcasm implied, "Dr. Cuenca, of course!" And Ma'am Susan broke out in laughter. "Parang praktisadong praktisado yun a!" she laughed. It was a funny moment. :P Pia then said, "If you really wanna know everything about this guy, ask me!" with mischief on her face. Ooooh! Intriguing!
"Advanced Personality is the Gen Psych of Grad School," Ma'am Cara said during the very first session. I was excited. We'd be tackling several perspectives starting, of course, with Freud. The requirements for the class weren't so bad. A project and a 10-minute report, 2 mini-papers, and a final exam. Not bad at all. Mondy would be my partner for all both the report and the project.
It was beginning to dawn on me that Ma'am Cara really didn't want us in that class. She totally forgot about us during introductions. :( Ah, well, I guess I'll have to prove myself...
June 14, 2008: Quantitative Methods and the I-Ball
Pretty eventful day. It was the first day of my Quantitative Methods class, but at the same time, it was the I-Ball (InTACT Ball), where I would meet my student facilitators and we could plan for the very first session, which was right around the corner (MONDAY!). Pretty exciting.
Quanti class ended early. Lots of pretty faces in class, so even though I scored myself an 8 on the FEARmometer, which Dr. Ofreneo claims is valid and reliable, I knew I'd enjoy the class a little more than usual. Hahahaha. Don't get me wrong, though. I still dread the damn course. I may have done will in Ma'am Jopie's Stat class, but this is very very different. I was horrified... But happy. :P
As soon as Quanti ended, Apags, Nico, and I went back to Sec Lec B for the I-Ball. An activity had just ended and we entered right in time to take part in the Tutti Fruity introduction activity. We had to say, "If I were a fruit, I'd be a -blank- because -blank- and I would like -blank- to eat me because -blank-!" I said I'd be a watermelon, because despite my thick exterior, I'm just a lump of sugar inside. Mueahehaheaheahaahehahehaheahe! I wanted everyone to have a taste because I wanted them to know the real me (sabay flex ng muscles!). Mueaheaheaehaheaheah! Got a good response from that. :P
Soon, I got to meet my Student Facilitator partners. Not all of them were there. I met Rachelle, Michie, and Madel first. Patty, due to class, came during lunchtime. Rage left early, so I wasn't able to meet her that day. We planned out our first session and I tried to get as much input from them as possible so that they could feel some sense of ownership with the program, too. Session 1 was a bit boring since it was just expectation setting, but I changed the activity to make it a little bit more bearable. Instead of just writing out their expectations, as per the manual, they would act it out on a tableaux and the rest of the class would have to guess. I just hoped that on the very first day, they would be game. Coincidentally, that would be the point of the first activity. InTACT is what the freshmen make it. :D
I was pumped. A mix of excitement and anxiety. It got my blood running and my heart pounding. Finally, I'd be in the field for real. Right after meeting with my Student Facilitators, it dawned on me how close to game time it was. Two days. I couldn't wait. The vocation was silently screaming inside me.
June 16, 2008: First Day of InTACT
My very first InTACT sessions. Three blocks: Management at 730, IS at 830, and Economics at 1030. The night before, I could hardly relax. I was too excited, too nervous, too everything. I wanted to make a good first impression, but at the same time, I wanted to be fully myself. The conflict there is that "fully myself" is more reflective than outgoing. I scored high on "Meaning Attribution" when tested for what kind of facilitator I'd be. I enjoy reading into things, interpreting texts, and integrating ideas. I wanted to be able to do that, but at the same time, I wanted to make it light and enjoyable for the freshmen. I knew that if I bombarded them with reflections, I'd never get to them. So I racked my brain for a way to give them a little taste of both. After hours of thinking, I decided to insert my little "reflection period" into the 2 minutes alloted for prayer. I decided that, because there would be freshmen who were not really into the prayer thing, I'd make the prayer more of a meditation and reflection for the session. I'd give them something to think about throughout the session and it would be up to them to draw their own insights.
The first session was "Expectation Setting" and the main point that we wanted to put forward was that InTACT, despite everything they as freshmen think it to be, was something that they, themselves made. InTACT is what the freshmen made it to be. The decision to make InTACT meaningful is all up to the freshmen. We, as facilitators, can only lend a helping hand and a friendly shoulder in their journey as freshmen. We can give them small insights as stepping stones for them to make their own. We can only pique curiosity, hoping that they come forward and explore. I wanted for them to be able to make InTACT meaningful for themselves and not shove it down their throats. With all that in mind, I chose an apt reflection and prayer. My reflection would come from The Tao of Pooh, and basically said that there was a moment right before eating Hunny (oh, Pooh) that was better than the actual eating. In that moment, a certain sense of awareness is present. It enhances the feeling if only for a moment. If only we learn to appreciate both that moment and the moment of eating the Hunny, then life would be much richer, much fuller. The prayer I decided to start the class with was this:
This is the beginning of a new day.
I can waste it or use it for good.
What I do today is important because I am exchanging a day of my life for it.
When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever, leaving in its place something I have traded for it.
I want it to be gain, not loss; good, not evil; success, not failure; in order that I shall not regret the price I paid for it today.
Both the prayer and reflection went well with the closing reflection - about the wise man, young man, and the bird - so I didn't need to worry about how to close the session. But in my heart, and before I slept that Sunday night (Monday morning, to be exact), I prayed that the reflection and prayer would be just right to get to them reflecting, too. I hoped.
Being the first day, I tried to be as friendly and casual as possible. I even tried to pose as one of the students in the beginning since I got there early. I pushed through with the tableaux game. To answer, they had to "buzz in" by raising their fists and, as a group, shouted "SHORYUKEN!" Ahahahaha. Stupid, I know, but it kept them awake and kept me sane. I didn't want things to be too serious until the synthesis and business part. :P
The Management block was open and game, so I didn't encounter too many problems with them. The IS block, on the other hand, was less into it. They would be the ones I'd need to draw out. That was the class where someone expected InTACT to be "brainwashing." Vincent Burke, one of the new players on our basketball team, was in that class. Finally, the Eco block. Hehehehe. Aside from the fact that they came in 10 minutes late (not their fault; they were told class was at B103, when it's really at CTC 103), this class was the easiest of the day simply because Christian, my brother's best friend, was in it. So, because I had rapport with him, he acted as my portal into rapport with the rest of the block. Because of him, they were more open and game. Of the three classes wherein I introduced myself as Kenny "Alpha Male" Lirios, Christian's block was the only one that called me "Alpha Male." :P
My Student Facilitators were great. Thanks to Patty, Michie, and Madel for helping me out.
It felt like an okay first day, though I'm worried that I didn't get to the freshies. According to Jopie, JC said I did well, though I don't know how he could say that since he wasn't really there during the session. He only stayed for a few minutes in the beginning. Well, we'll see what happens in the future. Personally, I felt good about what I did. I transformed a potentially boring session into a more casual and enjoyable game that still retained space for insight and exchange of ideas. But that's just me. I'm a conceited asshole. :P I can safely say, though, that it's so very different from being a teacher. Comparing it to Sibol-Hesus, it's just not the same. Being a teacher is MUCH EASIER! The class is what you make it. Whether your students learn or not is based on how well you teach. In InTACT, it's mostly in their hands. You can try to enhance their experience through activities and sharing insights, but ultimately, it's InTACT is theirs. Teaching is definitely easier... But, to be honest, I feel the same amount of fulfillment from both. :) I love it. It's my passion to teach. Like what Pearl Buck said, teaching is a vocation. It is love for humanity. Both teaching and InTACT offer that vocation of giving, that vocation of LOVE. This is gonna be a very exciting year. :D
Still can't get over being called "Sir Kenny" though...
June 18-19: Transferring
I guess this starts with June 18, Wednesday. I went to school early so as not to repear the mishap of the week before, when I missed Counseling Principles class. I was there a full two hours early and waited at the Psych Dep for Dr. Ramos to leave, so I could be sure. I sat there, waiting. Little did I know that the hand of fate would deal me a clubbing blow...
While waiting, Ma'am Susan came over and said, "I need to talk to you and Mondy." She explained to me that they were trying to balance out the number of students per graduate school class. I got a bit nervous since Ma'am Susan asked that last week, looking to take me out of Advanced Personality. But she continued, saying that since we missed our first session of Counseling Principles, and that groups has already been made, we could drop that class and move over to Group Therapy on Thursday. It didn't take me more thank two seconds to realize what a good deal that was! For one thing, my "first day cut" will be erased from history, as if it never happened, giving me a clean slate. Another thing is the workload. Thinking about it, putting Quanti and Counseling Principles together in one sem would mean a whole lotta stress! The required projects for Counseling class combined with the projects for Quanti would mean absolute hell. Finally, the class would be taught by Dr. Lota Teh, someone I regret not taking while still an undergrad. She is said to be one of the best. The choice was obvious. So, I told Ma'am Susan that I'd talk it over with Mondy (since Mondy would be moved, too) and we'd get right back to her. I called Mondy and told him the situation. It didn't take him two seconds either to think it over. In fact, we agreed it would be in the best interest of everyone that we move. PROBLEM SOLVED! It was in our best interest and it helped the Psych Dep out. Fate just took a turn for the better and that clubbing blow was more like a friendly pat on the back and the push in a new, more favorable, direction. Fate pala si Ma'am Susan! Mueaheaheahehaheaheaha!
Anyways, the very next day, I came to school 5 hours early. I didn't want to miss the start of my clean slate! Quarter to six, Mondy and I went over to the classroom. This time, we were sure where it was. The Psych Lab in the new Psychology Complex at the Social Sciences Building. Mondy and I were the first to arrive along with a couple of others and Dr. Teh. Soon, when everyone came, a shocking realization came: WE WERE THE ONLY MALES! Come to think of it, since it was Mondy... I'M THE ONLY MALE! Mueaheaheaheaheaheahehae!
The "first" session wasn't so bad. It was mostly introductions and the discussion of the syllabus. The requirements for the class weren't so heavy. 50% went to participation, 40% went to the weekly journal entries (yup) and book report (YUP!), and 10% went to the creative integration, which was so informal that one could submit a song he or she wrote or a poem so long as it integrated the entire course. Not bad on paper, but as the first session continued, I realized how difficult earning that 50% would be.
The main activity of the class would be the Dyadic Sharing. We'd pair up, talk for a few minutes, then introduce out partner. While I didn't want to get paired with Mondy, since I already knew him and the 20 minute walk-talk would be pointless, we were left with each other. In retrospect, I think I should've been more proactive in selecting a going out and partner. Oh well. So Mondy and I walked around for 20 minutes telling each other about ourselves. Interestingly, I realized in those 20 minutes how little I really knew about the Chinaman. I mean, to us, he was simply a Chinaman, the butt of all jokes, and the Pol-hater. After talking, I'm happy to say that I actually learned something new about the little Chinaman. After 3 years of being in the same circle of friends, I knew squat about the gay bitch. So, it wasn't so bad, when you think about it.
When the time came to actually share, the difficulty of the 50% started; I found myself feeling a little out of place. It wasn't because Mondy and I were the only males, no. It's just that, when people started sharing and introducing their partner, all of them had had work experience before. They were either working or have worked already before coming into Masters. The disparity in experience was clear to me. I felt that they had much more to share, much more worth listening to. They talked about vocation and calling. Compared to theirs, I felt my vocation story was sophomoric and worthless. Even when Chinky asked about teaching as a vocation and I realized that most of the participants in the class were either teachers or aiming to be teachers, I didn't have the nerve to share with her my love for teaching, my hearing the call to become a teacher. I wanted to, don't get me wrong. I wanted to share Pearl Buck (the opening quote), I wanted to talk about Mr. Pagsi's influence on me, I wanted to say that my long term goal is to be recognized like Mr. Pagsi or Mr. Calasanz are recognized - as the BEST. But as more and more people talked about their experience with teaching - pre-schools, call centers, etc. - I felt that the little experience I had in teaching would not be as helpful or insightful as those who did have professional teaching experience. I had so much insight bubbling, but my cowardice kept it on the back-burner. I realized I had so much more to prove to these people. Hahahahahaha. Obviously, I need the group counseling class more as a client than a student!
It wasn't a bad session. It helped me realize how inexperienced I really am and how much deeper I need to dig to both make an impression and pick up as much as I can from the class. You only really get as much as you give in a class like Group Therapy. At the same time, I realized how much I could learn from Group Therapy that I could apply in my InTACT sessions. So much to gain, but also so much I have to give. I think I'm gonna enjoy the class. :D In more ways than one.
June 20: Freud's Unconscious
Everything I learned in Gen Psych... CRUSHED BENEATH THE WEIGHT OF THE TRUTH! Hahahahahaha. "Interesting" is a major understatement to describe our first formal Advanced Personality meeting.
When I arrived at the Psych Dep that day, Ma'am Cara was lying on the couch. As I passed by, she called my attention and said, "I tried to kick you out of my class. Unsuccessfully, though." Which is true. Ma'am Cara actually requested the transfer of me and Mondy because she thought that as Psych majors, we already knew all that stuff, so we didn't need to be there. Sadly, Mondy and I decided to move out of the Counseling Principles class instead. Mueahehaheahaheaheaha! I told her, "But ma'am, I've forgotten it all!" "Promise?" she asked. Then I showed her I was reading Feist & Feist to review. Sir AJ, who was there, too, asked, "O sige nga, who is the father of the Psychodynamic perspective?" I answered with a confident, "Sir, I honestly have no idea." Hahahaha. I don't think Ma'am Cara bought it, though. :P
The first formal session started out informally. We danced. :P JC and I tore up the dance floor of the Psych Lab! Bahahahaha! I didn't feel the need to put up any defenses or retreat to my inhibitions. I just wanted to have fun. When Ma'am Cara asked, "So what did you notice?" the answer was "Malikot si Kenny." :"> Yeah, well. That was fun.
Like I said, "interesting" is one hell of an understatement to describe the actual session. From Ma'am Cara's stories of her own experiences with clients to what she actually taught about Freud's unconscious, everything was just extremely interesting. All the things we think about the unconscious - the iceberg analogy, describing the unconscious as a repository for unwanted memories and experiences, sex being the main point, etc. - they were all just misconceptions and semi-tangents of what Freud really wanted to say. Ma'am Cara presented what Freud REALLY wanted to say by comparing it with what the Social Constructivists say. I caught myself saying, "Whoa!" so many times during the session. It was just... WOW!
After the session, Mondy and I HAD to eat because we were exhausted from all the learning. Yes, it was that intense. I was so exhausted, in fact, that I was grappling with the fact that I had Quanti the very next morning! Hahahahaha. But that's okay. Ma'am Cara said during class that the best subjects to start with in the MA Counseling program were Group Therapy, Advanced Personality, and Quanti. The workload is balanced and the concepts are foundational. SWEET!
Good week so far, but not over yet. I still had Quanti the next day.
June 21: Quanti
Not much to say. I studied a bit for the class so I could keep up. It was Stat in 30 minutes! Hahahahahaha. Ma'am Mira's cool. This is the class that's the most straightforward WORK! Nothing else. I can't seem to love it, but it's something I need to engage in fully to be able to grow.
That was pretty much the end of the week for me. It was pretty exhausting, but DANG! was it fun. The exhilaration that comes from exhaustion!
All this... I'll be going through all this throughout the semester and possibly throughout the next couple of years. All these experiences are worth the time and effort if I'm gunning to become a teacher. I have to stay brave. I have to follow the vocation. I have to remember that love for humanity that is necessary for all teachers. If this is what I need to go through, then I'm damn excited to do so! Mueahehaehaheaheaheahaheahea!
Hello, let me introduce you to
The characters in the show
One says yes, one says no
Decide which voice in your head you can keep alive
Even in madness I know you still believe
Paint me on canvas so I become
What you could never be
I dare you to tell me to walk through fire
Wear my soul and call me a liar
I dare you to tell me to walk through fire
I dare you to tell me
I dare you to
Hello are you still chasing
The memories in shadows
Some stay young some grow old
Come alive there are thoughts unclear
You can never hide
Even in madness, I know you still believe
Paint me your canvas so I become
What you could never be
I dare you to tell me to walk through fire
Wear my soul and call me a liar
I dare you to tell me to walk through fire
I dare you to tell me
I dare you to... |
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